Coaches Don't Play

Why is taking your own advice so entirely impossible?

'Anyone else have that one friend who gives relationship advice but is still single?'

LOL – I sniggered. You know them moments when they say; ‘If you can’t think of who in your friendship group that is, it usually means it’s you?’ Well, hello, it’s me. I began tagging a couple of my girl friends in the post because I knew they would instantly relate. However, the whirlwind that is a romance ending as quickly as it once began and a serious break up meant that timing wasn’t in my favour for a post of that nature and I could do without the screenshots and group chats ‘Ooooh did you see what Demi commented on? Is she single now?!’ I know for a fact most people reading this would absolutely relate as well – let’s be honest. Anyway – the theme of Coaches Don’t Play, meaning I'll give relationship advice despite being further from a relationship than I am from becoming NASA's next astronaut. I got a D in Science - to give some perspective on how far that actually is. It resonated a bit and it’s meant that I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking about exactly that. This doesn’t just apply to relationship advice, but that is personally a perfect example of how the phrase fits my current situation. More than this, though, it led me onto questioning why do I find it so entirely impossible to follow the advice I give out. I can’t be the only one, can I? I’m a natural helper, I think. I’ve never been someone who can sit tight while aware that someone else isn’t feeling their best. Even when it doesn’t concern me. It sounds nice on paper but I’ve learnt that this too can be quite a toxic trait. I have an overwhelming desire to rid anyone I care for, or don’t for that matter, of any sort of suffering and pain. I recently took a personality test – (yep, I’m one of them. It was way more legit than the OMG WOW! Facebook horoscopes though, promise) and turns out I’m a protagonist. Reading through the very in depth breakdown of what this meant, and I know the skin on all the sceptics out there will be crawling, there was no denying it was me to a T. One of the contributing factors to this was the fact, my natural reaction to someone else’s sadness is to first rid that negative emotion as opposed to assessing how the whole situation could be different. I say this, because I’m slowly starting to learn more about the person I am and understand much deeper why I am the way I am. So Protag Polly (my nickname for the duration of this blog post) loves to constantly offer support and advice to people who need a helping hand but seems to struggle when it comes to giving myself the same kind of time.

I’m quite a good judge of character I think, for any of my friends reading this I know for a FACT there would have been at least 4 eyebrow raises at that statement. I get it – I’ve spent too many nights crying into tubs of ice cream or share size bags of crisps for them to agree I’m a ‘good judge of character’ but truth be told, I’ve known those situations were dangerous waters, but, in the all singing and dancing words of Moana; “it caaaaaaalllls me” and I have, very foolishly, been known to ignore a gut feeling in the hope I can make it go away. DISCLAIMER – they fucking don't and they are ALWAYS RIGHT. But at the grand age of 25 and for being hurt more times than I care to admit, I’ve finally given my gut the glory it deserves and it’s now at the forefront of any decisions I make. Really, as I’m typing and reflecting, it’s astonishing that people even come to me for advice, but one of my favourite things in the world, is knowing that people around me feel comfortable to confide in me. I’m not sure if that’s because of the shambolic situations I’ve been in myself give them a sense of comfort or whether the advice I do give is actually any cop. I always seem to have a suggestion or a solution to comfort or console someone else but when it comes to myself – I’m entirely speechless. I wonder though, is that because I’m willing to give so much more time to ensure that I do all I can to find what I think would be a solution to someone else’s situation, but don’t respect myself in the same way to give my own self, my own mind, my own environment that same nurture? So I guess, my question is - does anyone take their own advice? How many of us give advice based on what we should do, as opposed to what we shouldn't? How many of us base our advice on personal experience as opposed to personal want? How many of us give advice at all? For those champions out there who give their own mind and soul as much time as they do to someone else's - tell me you're fucking secrets. I love helping others, and I don't want that to change. But what might be nice, is to start loving helping myself to. If you've got this far - thanks for reading my very first blog post! I hope that if it didn't make you smile, laugh, or there wasn't something that you could relate to - you'll come back anyway for next week's issue of a day in the life of me. Ciao for now - see you on the flip side x